There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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