bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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