Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
