I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
