Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
