Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
