were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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