God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
