he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
