Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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