Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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