So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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