Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
