Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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