I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
