It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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