Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
