My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
