dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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