So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
