he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
