Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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