I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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