woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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