well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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