matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
