It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
