I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
