My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
