When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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