I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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