hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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