I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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