Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
