I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
