Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
