People in love make me want to vomit
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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