All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
how drunk are you?
Several
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
