just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
