found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
