just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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