I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
