She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
