someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
