you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
