I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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