Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He shit in the fireplace
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