Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
