My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
