I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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