batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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