My first STD was from a foam party
I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
