i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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