He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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