This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
