yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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