Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
