dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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