Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize